Monday 17th September 2018

I’ve just got back from America.

BF Chris is boycotting the States until Trump is toppled, so when my friend Dor offered me a plus one on a press trip, I jumped at the chance! BF Chris said I didn’t have morals, but I like to think it’s more about appreciating a free lunch. And then some…

Being gay, I was nervous about travelling to America in the current regime but I’ve always wanted to go back to the U.S. since I had an AMAZING time in New York with Beccy in 2012. On that particular trip, we were dancing in a gay bar putting our money down a gogo dancer’s pants and getting homesick when Amy Winehouse’s Valerie came on in the bar, all within our first nine hours of setting down in the City. Nine hours. That’s pretty much a working day.

I’d only heard of St Louis because of the movie Meet Me In St Louis,and when I watched WWE they introduced Randy Orton who is a native St Louisian. I obv hoped I would bump into him.

We did not bump into him.

I weighed 83.2kg before heading out there and I refuse to weigh myself now that I’m back. The sheer amount of food that myself and Dor put away is enough to safely solve hunger issues in a small third world country. I managed to head to the hotel gym twice, which was the second week of my new online training regime. I haven’t heard from my online trainer. Maybe he’s given up on me already? Maybe he thinks I’ve given up on him, already. I haven’t (I’ve paid money for it, after all!), but being recently ill with tonsillitis and holidays just get in the way of being a buff Adonis. Right? Or is that me making excuses?

So, on two occasions I went to the hotel gym. Smug, smug, smug. I think the two visits to the Cheesecake Factory helped with my gains, as I felt ‘swole’. The Cheesecake Factory also shames its own cakes by putting the calories on the label. The slices I had were 1053 calories each. Fuck.

Meals that I ate (and thank god I’ve forgotten my MyFitnessPal password):

  • Hotel breakfast buffet (three visits to the buffet table per day)
  • Monster Burrito from Fitz’s Restaurant
  • Farmers Platter Breakfast (sausages, eggs, bacon, potatoes) from Roosters with half of biscuits and sausage gravy.
  • Two visits to The Cheesecake Factory where I had the same salted caramel cheesecake
  • Jumbo Hotdog and Fries at a Baseball Game
  • The Rooster Slinger (sausage, potatoes, fried eggs, sausage gravy and sourdough bread) on a second day at Roosters.
  • Ted Drewes Frozen Custard (I love you, Ted!)
  • Calories: ∞ (infinity/untrackable)


  • Put passport in safe place.
  • See if I can get $17 changed back to Pounds.
  • Send apology to online PT.
  • Google Randy Orton images.
  • Shift WEIGHT