Sunday 12th August 2018

I’ve started a new fitness regime with an Online Personal Trainer. Finding the right person is a bit like Internet dating except you’re looking for someone you want to look like. So it’s like gay Internet dating.

I’ve paid for two months, which gets me a new workout plan that is monitored and adapted remotely via an app by my trainer. He also tracks my nutrition via MyFitnessPal.

I must reset my password. It’s quickly becoming MyFitnessNemesis. If that was a real app, I wonder what it would involve? Perhaps it would enroll you in Barry’s Bootcamp when you least expect it. Which would be the ultimate PE class from hell with all the cool athletic kids from school.

So worse then hell.

I donated some clothes to the charity shop today. I like donating to the charity shop. It makes me feel fucking great. It’s both a ‘clear out/I don’t want this anymore’ and “I’ve already donated this month, charity street mugger so leave me alone”.

I think Cancer Research will bloody love the Red Power Ranger costume I’ve gifted them. I bet it gets a lot of attention and goes for a really high price. I wonder if they could keep me updated?

REMINDER: Find out which email address is linked to MyFitnessPal.

Calories Consumed: Shut up.

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